Friday, 27 March 2009

• Currently Something to Write Home About By The Get Up Kids see related

  Who needs a soul? Let me tell you 'bout my robot friends . . .

   

  Bender: “you’d want a robot as a friend?”

  Fry: “sure, ever since I was five.”

   

   

  Ok, and now for something completely different.  I was watching the finale of the new Battlestar Galactica the other night, and it got me thinking.  I'm a geek.And, as a geek, I have always felt that it was the great shame of our generation that we were born too early to take advantage of the concept of mechanical men (err, that didn’t come out right).What I mean is, like Phillip J. Fry, I have always wanted a robot for a friend.You might want to ask me why I want a robot for a friend, but if you did ask me that I’d have my robot friend kick you in the shins.And you couldn’t do anything about it because, hey, he’s a robot.He doesn’t even have shins.But then you might ask “well, wouldn’t there be some kind of law against robots hurting humans like in I, Robot?”And if you did ask that, I’d have my robot friend kick you in the shins again, because its my fantasy and I make the rules, got it?  Besides, anything with Will Smith in it doesn't count.  He's like the Scrappy-Doo of science-fiction.

   

  Now that we’ve got that all straightened out, I bring you the top ten robots I’d want as my friends.

   

  10. R2-D2

  

  awesome.  couldn't leave him off my list.  but not much to say about him that hasn't already been said.  moving on . . .

   

  9. The Robot from "Lost In Space"

  

   

  8. Twiki from "Buck Rogers"

  

  Bidi-bidi-bidi!

   

  7. "T-800" from Terminator-2

  

  Seriously, what kid with father issues wouldn't want this guy in their life?

   

  6. Vicki from "Small Wonder"

  This show was probably my first guilty pleasure.  It was so wonderfully bad I just had to include it on my list.

   

  And now for my top 5 . . .

   

  5. A.W.E.S.O.M.-O (South Park)

  “A.W.E.S.O.M.-O would like some cheesy poofs”

  A.W.E.S.O.M.-O would be an awesome friend.He is programmed to do just about anything a little kid would want, like play video games, deliver anal suppositories, and even pitch movie concepts for a hundred bucks a pop.The only problem with A.W.E.S.O.M.-O is that he’s not really a robot, he’s just a fast smelly kid in a cardboard box.Oh well, it was definitely the most likable version of Eric Cartman I’ve ever seen.

   

  4. H.E.L.P.E.R. (The Venture Brothers)

  

  “Beep-beeep-beep”

  H.E.L.P.E.R. is the obsolete baby-sitter of the now grown Dr. Venture.His existence is both an aid to the doctor and an annoying reminder of his wasted youth.In outer appearance, he seems to be the love child of an office chair and a drawing lamp.His one redeeming quality is his unwavering loyalty, which is why he makes this list.

   

  3.Jude Law in A.I.

  

  Oh come on.Who wouldn’t want their very own love-bot?OK, I know – this isn’t THAT kind of column.But think about all the other stuff you could do with your very own Jude Law.You could,um, well,. . . Anyways, if nothing else you could always have him impersonate the real Jude Law so you could meet his friend Terry Gilliam.  That’d be worth something.

   

  2. DATA (Star Trek: The Next Generation)

  I'm particularly thinking of this one episode where Data befriends this little boy who lost his parents in a horrible accident (why did they think whole families serving on the same ship was a good idea?Can’t they just all communicate via holodeck – I mean, those things have got to be networked, right?)Anyway, the kid decides he’s going to become an android to get away from his pain.He talks like Data. follows him around, does everything he does.Here’s the cool part: Data is totally down with it.He’s never annoyed at the kid, never tells him to get a life or to grow up.Data has this tremendous amount of knowledge, but he never lords it over anyone.He’s always very open-minded and ready to learn.You rock, Mr. Data.You rock.

   

  1. Bender

  

  “bite my shiny metal ass”

  Its Bender.The coolest robot ever.This guy is so cool, he can knock over liquor stores and still come off as lovable.He’s the reason Futurama got the “black lung” award year after year (an mock-award given out to shows that are irresponsible about how they portay tobacco usage).Basically, Bender can get away with anything.Yeah, he’s got this obsession with killing humans, but its mostly all talk so chances are you’ll be safe.And you’ll never be bored.

   

   That's it for me.  What robots do you wish you could have around?  Or any fictional characters for that matter.  Maybe you think the giant robots from Neon-Genesis Evangelion would be better.  You'd be wrong, but what can I do about it?

   

  OK, now it might have occurred to you that some of these are androids, not technically robots.If that thought did cross your brain, I’d suggest you keep that to yourself.Your shins need the rest.

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